Saturday, May 14, 2011

Fuck you, Douglas

This baby is an asshole.

Some years ago, friends of mine named the sun Douglas. The moon is Bruce, in case you're wondering. Bruce is a great guy. He's totally responsible for the ocean, and he does his damn job and does it well. Bruce would never hurt anyone. Douglas, on the other hand, is a fucking asshole. He's always chillin' behind clouds, and causing cancer and sunburns, and global warming. What a dick, right? The worst part? Someday he's going to fucking quit on us and destroy the earth. (just kidding, we'll do that way before then.)

You should be able to go to the park for a few hours without looking like a complete fool later on, you know? I guess some people can. I'm not one of those people. See?

Fucking brutal, right? Yeah. It hurts like crazy. And it's weird shaped because of the way I was sitting, and my shirt. Fortunately, I'm at Holly's and she has medicated aloe and some good lotion. Which, friends, is the key to sunburns. Aloe and real lotion. You have to keep that shit moisturized or it will peel and you will have to walk around wearing white sheets and ringing a bell so people know you're a fucking idiot who gets sunburns/a leper. 


  1. I'm pretty sure you just discovered why slavery was born. Someone else can go out to the field and get flame broiled by the damn sun.

    Also, the worst is when its overcast, because you don't think about Douglas waiting in ambush for you to go outside with your fairskin exposed. Yeah, thats how I got a second degree burn on my back in Maui. I agree wholeheartedly... Fuck you, Douglas!